8. "The Long Lost Roommate."

INT. MIKE AND JOE'S ROOM - NIGHT

JOE stands speaking to two police officers while four more search the room for clues. JOE looks very worried.

MIKE enters the room.

JOE: MIKE!!!!

MIKE: (confused) Uh, hey...?

JOE: Dude! Where have you been?!?

MIKE: Here...

JOE: Here meaning where? You've been gone for 3 days.

MIKE: No I haven't.

JOE: YES YOU HAVE!!!

MIKE: Umm... Officers, would you give us a minute?

MIKE grabs JOE and the two leave the room.


INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

MIKE slams JOE against the wall and sternly stares at him.

JOE: Ah! What the fu--

MIKE: Shut up! There's no time! There's been some weird shit going down dude.

JOE: What? What are you talking about?

MIKE: Come here.

MIKE grabs JOE again and drags him into the bathroom.


INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

MIKE and JOE storm inside.

MIKE: You wanna know where I've been this whole time? In there.

MIKE points at the toilet.

JOE: ........what?

MIKE: Look, I know it sounds ridiculous, but that shit is like Narnia dude. I was takin' a piss three days ago and I dropped my phone in there, and before I could even react, the phone disappeared. It just hit the water and disappeared.

JOE: ...................What?!

MIKE: Yeah!!! I didn't know what to say either! I had no idea what happened to it! I started freaking out cuz, one, my phone was gone, and two, I thought I had just found some break in the space-time continuum or something. Which I think I did.

JOE: ....................................You think there's a break in the space-time continuum, in our toilet?

MIKE: I know it sounds retarded dude, but I swear to God. I got really curious about it so I stuck my hand in after it. And my hand disappeared. So next I stuck my head in. And I could see everything dude.

JOE: ...what do you mean you could see everything?

MIKE: I mean I could see everything! I could see my past, my future, I could see what you were doing last night, everything! I could see anything that had ever happened, and everything that ever would.

JOE: .....I'm gonna go tell the police that we need an ambulance.

MIKE: NO!!! Joe, you have to believe me. C'mon. I swear to God, I'm not lying to you. I swear.
This. Is. Real.

MIKE stares desperately at JOE. JOE looks skeptical.

JOE: ...Arite. If it's true then let's try it out.

MIKE: Thank God.

JOE: What should we drop in there?

MIKE: No. Dropping things is a no go. They fall through space and time and they can land anywhere ever. My cellphone almost fucked a lot of shit up cuz it landed in Nazi Germany. With that technology Hitler probably would have won the war.

JOE: Bruh shut up. I'm tired of this.

JOE starts to walk towards the door.

MIKE: Joe! I'm not lying to you. Please. Believe me.... I know no one else will...

JOE stops. MIKE looks as if he's about to tear up. JOE still looks skeptical, but compassionate.

JOE turns around.

JOE: Arite. Well if we can't drop things in then how do we see if it works?

MIKE: Just put in your head.

JOE: No.

MIKE: Joe, I promise.

JOE: I'm not putting my head in the toilet.

MIKE: JUST DO IT! PLEASE!

MIKE looks hysterical and desperate. JOE looks frightened.

MIKE: I just need you to believe me...

A few tears silently start to stream down MIKE's face. JOE sees this and begins to soften.

JOE: ...Okay... I'll try it.

MIKE: (sniffling) .......thank you......

JOE bends down and puts his head over the toilet, staring at his reflection in the water.

MIKE: Just put your head in and open your eyes...

JOE takes a deep breath.

JOE: I can't believe I'm doing this.

JOE stares at the water for a moment longer and puts his head in. He opens his eyes.

He sees a fat turd that was hiding deep in the hole of the toilet.

JOE quickly removes his head.

MIKE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOE spits up water and coughs while he tries to breathe.

MIKE: I was at my parents house dude. I spent the weekend there. I just didn't answer any of your calls cuz I thought this would be funny.

JOE: You're an asshole!!!

MIKE: Haha, I know.


THE END.