17. "You Are Looking Down Through The Skylight As Chefs Prepare Dinner For Your Ex-Wife's Wedding."

That's wrong.

She doesn't like parsley.

She thinks it's a stupid garnish.

She thinks all garnishes are stupid though.

She says it's like putting lipstick on a pig.

Or putting a crown on top of a pile of shit.

.........She's weird.

And also really cynical.

She's not really the nicest person.

Actually to be honest, she's kind of a bitch.

I try not to talk badly about people too often but I feel like I know her well enough to be confident in the fact that she's a bitch.

She called everything stupid all the time.

Including me.

To be honest I kinda feel bad for this new guy.

His name's Dick.

She's gonna have a field day with that one.

As if he didn't get enough shit throughout his life for having an awful fucking name, now he's marrying the woman who will exploit it more than anyone he's ever met.

His parents didn't even name him Richard.

Just Dick.

Maybe that's why she's marrying him.

So she has someone to torture.

Someone to ruin like she ruined me.

I hope she dies soon.

It's a bad thought but I can't say I'm not thinking it.

The world would be a better place.

And Dick would be a lot happier.

But here she is getting married, having the happiest day of her life.

Again.

And here I am literally looking in on her happiness from the outside.

These chefs are ridiculous.

Like a bunch of halfwits running around a room wearing big white hats and trying to accomplish a task that none of them are smart enough to do.

They're not making anything she likes.

Or at least not the way that she likes it.

Oh, and here she is.

Here to yell at them about what an awful job they're doing no doubt.

Yup.

She's doing her crazy face.

That "I'm so mad about this small matter that I might actually kill you" face.

I learned to avoid that one.

But these poor bastards have no choice.

It's their job to listen to her gripe, and then adhere to her griping, no matter what she gripes about.

But I guess that was my job as her husband too.

Funny how those things work out.

The world would really be better off if she was dead.

We don't need anymore gripers griping about un-gripe-worthy things.

We just need peace and quiet.

A little time to hear ourselves think before we shack up with the devil herself.

I would give anything to--

...........................Holy shit.

So I know you guys can't see this, but a meteor just flew past my head, broke through the skylight, and killed everyone in the room.

No shit.

That means she's dead.

She's gone.........

.........I Don't even know what to say...........












..................The food actually smells really good.