FADE IN.
EXT. THE TOP OF AN ACTIVE VOLCANO - NIGHT
SVETLANA, a young beautiful Swedish woman, is naked and tied to a rocket. DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE, a doctor who's actually a pretty nice guy usually but has had a few too many drinks tonight, has a burning match held next to the fuse that will send the rocket into space.
CAPTAIN CONSISTENTLYSAVESDAMSELSINDISTRESS, a muscley, spandex-wrapped superhero with an opioid addiction, stands a safe distance away trying not to make any sudden moves. DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE is pretty jumpy.
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE: (slurring his words) Don't make any sudden moves Captain! I'm feeling jumpy!
CAPTAIN CONSISTENTLYSAVESDAMSELSINDISTRESS: You'll never get away with this Docto--!
The CAPTAIN trips over his own feet and rolls down the volcano. He hits his head on a rock. He is dead.
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE: At long last! The hero of Mount Eruption is DEAD!!!!
He turns his gaze to the beautiful SVETLANA.
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE: And now my pretty, I shall send you into space to test how the trajectory of a Looney Tunes style rocket holds up while tied to a small foreign woman!!!!!!!!
SVETLANA: Nej!!!! Snälla du!!!!!!!!
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE: HAHAHA!!! Yes!!! No one will save you now!!!!!!!
VOICE: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE looks around.
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE: What?!? Who said that!?! Show yourself!!!
A beam of light shines down from the heavens and illuminates DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE and SVETLANA.
GOD: Thought you were going to get away with it this time, didn't you Doctor?
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE: Ahhhh! So we meet again God!
GOD: Yes. And I believe this will be for the last tim--
GOD trips over a cloud. He tumbles from the heavens and falls into the volcano. He is dead.
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE: HAHAHAHA!!!!! FINALLY! The creator of the heavens and the Earth is NO MOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
He turns his gaze to SVETLANA again.
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE: And now my pretty, I shall send you--
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR: --TO INFINITYYYYY AND BEYOND!!!!!!
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR tears through the sky and kicks DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE in the back of the head!
DOCTOR KILLSALOTOFPEOPLE: AHHH BLAST!!!
He gets a hemorrhage in his brain. He is dead.
SVETLANA: Herregud! Det var min make Herr Lightyear!!!
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR: (winking at her) All in a days work Ms.
Suddenly, two COPS show up.
COP 1: Hey!!! That spaceman is tryina test how the trajectory of a Looney Tunes style rocket will hold up while strapped to a small foreign woman!!! Kill him!!!!!
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR: Wait! No! I--!
The two COPS open fire and empty their clips into BUZZ LIGHTYEAR. He wobbles for a moment and then falls to the ground. He is dead.
COP 2: RELOADING!!!!!
The two COPS put about 1,500 rounds into BUZZ.
COP 2: ....think he's dead yet?
COP 1: There's only one way to find out........
COP 1 responsibly approaches BUZZ LIGHTYEAR's tattered carcass and takes his pulse.
COP 1: Yup. He's dead.
COP 2: ...One more for good measure?
COP 1: Blast him partner.
COP 2 takes a shot but misses and instead hits the rocket fuse, which lights it and sends SVETLANA off into space.
The COPS watch as she drifts off into the heavens.
COP 1: Huh.
COP 2: Yeah. I think I missed.
The two keep staring at the rocket soaring overhead.
COP 2: Flying pretty straight I guess, right?
COP 1: Little bit of a lilt.
COP 2: Little bit.
COP 1: To the right, yeah?
COP 2: Yup.
The two keep watching her fly.
COP 1: Better mark that down, right?
COP 2: Yeah.
COP 1: For science.
COP 2 jots the results of the experiment down in his notepad.
The two stand in silence for a moment.
COP 1: You hungry?
COP 2: Starving.
INT. DENNY'S - 10 MINUTES LATER
The two COPS sit across from each other while dining on some grand slams.
COP 1 cuts his pancakes.
COP 1: Can you pass the syrup?
COP 2: Yeah.
COP 2 passes the syrup.
THE END.
