INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
JOE walks into his room, looking very tired. He looks up and sees HANK (52, homeless, dressed in ratty clothes) going through his drawers. JOE pauses and stares for a moment.
JOE: Hey........
HANK looks back over his shoulder at JOE.
HANK: Hey.
The two stare at each other for a moment. HANK turns back around and continues going through JOE's stuff.
JOE: I'm sorry, can I help you with something?
HANK: (not stopping his search) No I'm good.
JOE looks very confused.
JOE: Well may I ask why you're in my house, and why you're going through my stuff?
HANK: You may if you'd like.
HANK's still going.
JOE: .......Well why are you in my house, and why are you going through my stuff? Are you stealing from me?!
HANK still not stopping.
HANK: No. Not stealing. I'm giving you something.
JOE: What?
HANK: I'm giving you a gift. I just need to find a good place for it........
JOE: ........What is it?
HANK: Well I can't tell you. You need to find it for yourself.
JOE: .........But I'm just gonna see where you hide it.
HANK: .........................................Okay fair point.
HANK turns around and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a large rock and holds it out to JOE.
JOE: .........A rock?
HANK: Not just any rock! This is an Igneous Maximus. It's only found in the mountains of Peru, and is said to have the power of youth. He who holds it will be impervious to harm and will live for the rest of eternity.................
JOE: ...............yeah.
HANK: It's true! Ask me how long I've had this rock.
JOE: No.
HANK: C'mon!
JOE: Get out of my house.
HANK: ASK ME!!!
JOE stares at him for a moment.
JOE: How long have you had your rock.
HANK: 80 million years........
JOE: Okay. Please leave.
HANK: I'm not making this up!!!
JOE: I don't care if you are or not. Just get out of my house.
HANK grabs JOE. He looks manic and desperate.
HANK: Please take the rock. It's ruining my life. I can't carry it any longer.........
JOE: Why is it so bad? If you've had it for 80 million years then why get rid of it now?
HANK: I just lost the last person I've ever loved...... I've lost thousands in my lifetime, but none like this....... Before I always thought that it would be okay, that I would find somebody else in the next generation. But this one is worth dying for. This one is worth making this the end......
HANK looks down and begins to tear up.
JOE stares at him for a moment.
JOE: I still don't believe you.
HANK: THEN BELIEVE THIS!!!!
HANK pulls out a picture of himself, the same age, dressed in nothing but a rag around his waist. He carries a giant club in his hand and faces a Tyrannosaurus Rex as it charges towards him.
HANK: Circa 78 million B.C...... I did everything I could to fend off that animal. The club was all I had to fight with while my family got away...........
HANK begins to cry again.
HANK: I couldn't save all of them. He wiped out everybody except for my daughter........ She was only two years old at the time........ We had her hidden in a barren cave not far from where we were.
HANK stares at the picture.
HANK: If I could only just hold her again....... If I could just see her one more time............
JOE: Who took the picture.
HANK: What? One of my cave bros.
JOE: And where'd you get the camera?
HANK pauses.
HANK: ...............................I invented it.
JOE: YOU'RE SO FULL OF SHIT!!!!
HANK swings the rock and hits JOE in the face. JOE drops to the ground out cold.
HANK turns back around and continues going through JOE's sock drawer. He pulls up a pair of socks and finds a wad of money under it.
HANK: Aha!
HANK pockets the money and steps over JOE as he heads towards the door. Just before he gets there though, he stops and pauses for a moment. He turns back around and steps back over JOE and goes back to the drawer.
He takes the pair of socks too.
He steps back over JOE.
HANK: That'll teach you to talk shit about my universal studios picture. Jurassic Park is the tits!!!
HANK kicks JOE and leaves the room.
THE END
HAHAHAHAHAHA
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